My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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