I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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