I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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