the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
