You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
