I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
