Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize