I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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