dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
