i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
