This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
