I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
