We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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