I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
