what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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