remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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