i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize