I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize