She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
