I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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