You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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