NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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