If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
