how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
