quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize