So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
