Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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