Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
