making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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