How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
please come you make the beer taste better
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize