i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
