Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize