Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
