I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize