At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
