take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
