I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
