Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
