i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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