I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
