This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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