Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
