Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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