god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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