Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
