i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
