i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Come on in and take your pants off
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