Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Bring me that man meat
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
