Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This is the high leading the old right now
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
