walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
50% drunk capacity currently
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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