I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
