I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
