After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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