Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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