today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
