Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
