it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
