And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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