Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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