Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
