and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
