I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
