i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
