party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize