So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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