It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
