If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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