i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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