If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
it hurts more in the daytime
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So much Jack, so little girl.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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