I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
