I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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