hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize