So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
