if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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